So we’re driving to a thanksgiving dinner, and we had to pick up my cousin (who is gay) and my aunts friends (who are gay and married to each other) and they started talking about how it’s practically a gay club. so i think ‘this is my moment’, and lean over to my mum, who is also waiting in the car, and tell her in the most deadpan voice i can muster, i say ‘congrats, you’re the only straight one here.’
accidentally forgetting your earbuds at home is like accidentally leaving your first born child at the gates of hell
if you think that’s bad, one time I was skimming stones and my thumb caught my headphones and I accidentally launched them into the sea
I should not have laughed as hard as I did
oh shit theres a baby on board? fuck well i guess i wont rear end you like i normally would
the baby on board sign is to alert paramedics in the event of a crash that theres a baby that needs to be attended to first u absolute fucking walnut
absolute fucking walnut
I’m so happy someone finally explained this.